Saturday, October 20, 2012


Hey ya'll! Sorry its been so long since I posted. This week was crazy busy! Thursday was our annual field trip to the pumpkin patch. The kiddos had a blast! But I was one EXHAUSTED teacher afterwards. I fell asleep at 7:30 that night and slept until about 6:30 the next morning... the kicker: I woke up and I was still tired!

Thursday also brought some bad news for my family. My mother who is only 48 was put in the hospital for having pneumonia. On Friday, she was put on the breathing tube. So Friday night I came up here and sat with her. She is still in the hospital. She is responsive and aware, but is drugged up and can't talk. She is sleeping right now, so I thought I'd take a minute and post.

 The nurse said she is not out of the woods yet, but says that she thinks she will bounce back from it. So I'm hoping she's right. I have never had a problem with hospitals, but I am starting to hate them. The last 2 times (before this one) that I have been in the hospital someone close to my family has died. So while talking to the nurse yesterday I started bawling asking her if I should prepare myself to lose another parent. I really don't think I can handle it ya'll.

It looks really bad. She is hooked up to so many different machines and wires. I just don't like the way it looks. But I am trying to be strong.

Last night when I got here, I held her hand to let her know that I was here. She looked at me and started chocking up with sadness. I could tell she was about to cry, which just about killed me.

I almost feel responsible for this. Last year when my dad died she started smoking heavily. She hadn't smoked since they were just dating, almost 30 years ago. And when he died, she started smoking heavily. It was like any time she started thinking about him, in order to stop or to focus her attention elsewhere she would light one up. It might have helped her.... I don't know. But she was hospitalized last year for the same thing. Pneumonia. She was put into a medical coma then in order to get better. After that she quit smoking.

However, she started smoking again this summer. A lot of people in my family told her that we did not think that it was a good idea. Especially after what had happened last Christmas. But she did was she wanted because she is a grown woman and she felt like she could. Now she is back in the hospital... and I feel responsible. Even though I made it clear that I didn't think that she should smoke.

But please, please, please... pray for her. I can't stand to lose another parent.

Thanks for listening. I appreciate it.

1 comment:

  1. Hi sweetie! You and your mother are in my prayers. You are NOT responsible. Please don't let that guilt creep in- you had nothing to do with her smoking. Your mother was in pain and smoking was her only way to dull her pain. You are right to be there and hold her hand and love her. Take care of yourself and remind yourself that you bring great joy to your mother!
    An Open Door


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